Buzznet: All Media by priestofmelody

life is tragically coincidental

priestofmelody — 2008-09-07T08:21:00Z

Never thought life would play such cruel jokes upon me. There have been several women in my life I have desired for relationships when I became too good of friends with them to ever be in a romantic entanglement. And, of course in every case they all had an interest in me until apparently they got to know me well enough. And, of course the more I got to know them the more interest I had in them. I always want to become good friends with a women before I pursue, but you always end up with the dire question pressing on your mind. Is it ok to pursue? Does she perceive me the way I do her? I’m not a guy who just walks up to every women and asks her out. I want to know that she is interested in me first and she would love for me to take her out. But, I guess this is not how life works. I guess it is time to burn another bridge in my heart and continue on. Maybe one day I’ll understand how this world works and play it’s game. Till then I’ll be the hopeless romantic.

I feel:

priestofmelody — 2008-09-06T09:14:00Z

Worthless
Stupid
Ugly
Fat
Angry
Murderous
Sick
Unhappy
Horny
Confused
Hungover
Tired
Dead
Bloated
Empty
Hopeless

You say, I want to be miserable. I say, I was never given a choice.

This life continues to become so pointless for me. Everyday is far worse than the last.

My only desire is to sleep forever.

priestofmelody — 2008-09-06T09:13:12Z

Mantra

priestofmelody — 2008-09-03T16:51:00Z

"If you can't make the world better, just don't make it suck more"

Throughout history there have always been those who wish to change the world and leave a postive mark for all of posterity to enjoy. Sometimes it's a fluke of incident others willful determination to overcome obstacles. There are those in this world who only think of the benifits for themselves. How evolution has created to become so overrun with our own selfish greed I'll never know. But there are those among us who wish not evil upon our brothers and sisters. There are those who see the world for what it truly is: an organic machine where we are all gears in it's function. If you disrupt a gear from it's function the machine will stutter and eventually become null.

Mother nature can always create the machine over and over again, given the sun is still shining.

I wonder what history books an objective historians will say of our time, if even there is anyone literate enough to understand.

Love: The bane of my existence

priestofmelody — 2008-08-31T12:08:00Z

My heart burns
Yearns for your touch
A sweet rose's bitter bite

Wounded angle
Clipped wings
Keeping your love from flight

Suns pass but I only long to feel the warmth of your embrace

Time I fear
Will strengthen my desire
Tormenting my mind

Light of my day
Your smile
Though the bane of my existence

The morning how I would love so, waking to you.

No need to vote

priestofmelody — 2008-08-16T22:20:00Z

I don't know about anyone else but I won't be voting this year. I would rather protest the whole damn system. Electronic voting is a rigged system. McCain will continue the United States imperialistic endeavors and Obama will pretend to fix the American economy.

There is only one way to fix our economy and give Americans the liberty we should have. Take back control of the issuance of currency and invest it into the United States government. The Federal Reserve Bank and it's backers have been making way too much money off of American citizens. And, congress doesn't know how to curb it's borrowing practices from these fraudulent lenders. This system only furthers war efforts, increases the price index through inflation, and puts hundreds of millions of Americans in debt through pawning off of interest payments via the federal income tax. Not too mention the system of loans and credit that further our monetary enslavement.

Here's a little bit of info about me and why I'm so angry at our current situation. I spent nearly thirty thousand dollars trying to get a bachelors degree. Now since I didn't obtain it nor have the means to pay this back immediately, I have to spend a very long time paying back the cost. Since under our current economic model the price of everything will continue to increase into infinity while our wages are less flexible in that respect my ability to pay back the price of an education diminishes tremendously.

Don't you just wish "We the people" had the power to band together and impeach our officials instead of leaving it to those who are in the pockets of the system?

Freedom hair

priestofmelody — 2008-08-13T22:27:00Z

So I have been growing my hair out for over a year now. Part of me is so ready to cut it off and have something easy to work with again. But I promised myself that I would let it grow out to my shoulders like I have always wanted. A lot of women have called me pretty but as my roommate said "pretty, not fuckable." I find it a little funny as what makes a woman tick. Some like the long hair and others not so much.

But to be honest I feel liberated growing my hair out, esspecially since I have been growing mutton chops as well. I mean I know I'm not the normal attractive male. I don't have a strong jaw line or a firm chin like all masculine meat heads, nor am I really built. So unfortunate for me I will never truly be attractive in the eyes of society. But, fuck them anyway. I had a dream over a year ago about looking how I do now. I was looking at myself in a mirror and said to myself; "I can do anything." (I was also dressed like Goku from dragonball-don't know how that got in the dream). So I resolve myself to become free and release myself completly and let the hair grow out, when I become who I am the hair will dissapear.

I once had a girlfriend call me beautiful and handsome. It was the only relationship I had ever been happy in. Sometimes I would give anything to have something like that again but life is not that kind to me. There's a part of me that is growing my hair out for her when I should be doing this completely for myself.

Here's to me becoming free.

Note to self: Save cash for tattoos and piercings.

D&D sparked nostalgia

priestofmelody — 2008-08-03T13:49:00Z

My roomate Jessie made me think about our past. She had gotten a lot of thing out of storage and I recoginized a lot of it from high school. I've been reliving a lot of those times of old. I remember Me, Jessie, Cory, and Tiffany would hang out all the time after school. It was pretty much a mandatory meeting of the nerd pack. Now I was dating Tiffany who was friends with Jessie and she was dating my best friend Cory. It's a little funny-but actually very understandable-how Jessie and I came full circle. See we weren't really that close during that whole time. As in, me and her never just hung out till after those bonds of friendship had been disolved because of relationship tension in the group. In a way it makes me wish I had known her better when I was a little younger and the burdens of life had not been fully placed upon my shoulders. But, wishing life had been another way is a foolish thought. I'm happy to discover a friendship I had never known in her.

So I also thought about what my room use to look like. I'm a big fan of expressing yourself through the art of making your room everything that is you. For a while I got away from all my childish things (as society dictates them). Which meant no more gundam model figures, silly posters and the like. I guess I felt that a woman could not like me cause I looked to much like a big kid (I seem to only think about mating-guess it's a guy thing). But since then I have constantly struggled to find myself over and over again. I have no reminders of who I am and what I really like. Perhaps what I have been missing the most over these years of moving and a crisis for self identity is my own little temple. I spent so much time running from the attachtment of my memories that I never took the time to stop and connect myself with my past so I could understand who I was.

"It's true what they say, I have never let myself just be."

Window to the world

priestofmelody — 2008-08-02T23:44:39Z

So, you know, I always like to imagine a room as something separate from the rest of the world. My own little plane of existence that is the sum of my personality. I have always been a big fan of looking out the window and watching the world go by.

Ever get the feeling...

priestofmelody — 2008-08-01T10:02:00Z

That maybe you should have just kept your mouth shut. I'm one of those people who when I have emotions I need to talk about them or my body will slowly implode and then go super nova. But talking about it is not always the best choice. If I was more of a man I could grit through how I feel and not let it bother me. Unfortunately, I have to open my mouth. Don't get me wrong I feel great that I let it out but I also feel I opened a door to a resentment of situation.

"Life is funny, if you only laugh at it"

"Die a hero or live long enough to become the villian"

priestofmelody — 2008-07-28T17:53:00Z

I just saw The Dark Knight it yesterday. If you want to see film perfection watch that movie. I can only hope one day to get the chance to play a character like the joker. The late Heath Ledger will forever be a source of acting inspiration and perfection.

Falling

priestofmelody — 2008-07-22T09:35:00Z

Ten thousand feet and falling fast
The wind whips my words flat
On my way falling for you
No chute to break my speed
Reaching terminal velocity
On my way falling for you

Care to join?
Plummet through the sky
Would you join?
Take a dive
Falling for you

Journey with no set course
Yet all paths lead to one
On my way falling for you
No map, no compass, no math
Use the heart to light the path
On my way falling for you

Care to join?
Free fall through the air
Would you join?
Take a dive
Falling for you

Stars cease to move
My body aches getting close to you
On my way falling
Your eyes speak a truth
My heart breaking from its roots
Through the dark falling for you

Care to join?
Freefall through the air
Would you join?
Take a dive
Falling for you

Suck me dry (depressed excrement)

priestofmelody — 2008-07-14T08:24:00Z

So since I have been working so much to try and continue living all parts about me that I enjoy are slipping away. I barely have time and motivation to compose. I swear being alive is a catch 22. I have pretty much lost all hope for a better existence-there is only a fools hope now. Yet, I continue to survive just so I can hang out with a few choice people. I have no excuse besides her to even keep living.

I guess I should stop bitching so much about our society and my distaste for it but it's really my only beef with life. The american nobility class has grown stronger and is slowly eroding away the middle class into the muddy trenches of poverty. If we could right these wrongs and allow all people to become economically liberated perhaps then I would have a little more joy. But my heart is heavly ladened with sorrow. Dark is the tunnel and far is it's end.

My desire to find a companion commands my attention. It haunts my dreams. I like who I am but I ponder whether if I was a little more manly could I obtain the object of my fancy. Everyone says be yourself, but it seems myself doesn't get the girl. Maybe I was just born in the wrong century. I try to resolve myself to get rid of all these feelings but I can't seem to put them out of my mind. It's not a bad thing to want to have someone, if even just for a little while. Though I'm pretty sure my personality would destroy most relationships I could potentially enter in. Fate has not smiled upon me, it merely smirks.

One day after I'm dead a book will be written about the life that never was.

After all, it's only a dream.

Celebrating In-Dependence

priestofmelody — 2008-07-02T13:59:00Z

This friday marks the 232nd year since our founding fathers gave King George, his central banking system, and his oppressive taxes the middle finger. Our fathers died in hopes that we would live free lives, that mankind would view each other as equals, and that all would know that power cannot be consolodated into anyones hands. They created a system of government that invested power into the governed. How short lived their dreams were. After Thomas Jefferson the country had begun a downward spiral. The European money changers wanted control of our country and they would stop at nothing to exploit it. Rothchild said it best "Give me control of a nations money supply and I care not who writes it's laws." Our ancestors have been through a lot to fight business man and their explotation of laborers, war profiters, and rich men seeking full control of the state. So here we are in present day. The money changers in the privately owned central bank of the U.S. (the Federal Reserve) have control of our money. Congress voted to consolidate power in our CEO/King George Bush. We are fradulantly being taxed on our wages and overly taxed on everything else-while at the time all the rich elite benifit from tax breaks. I think it's high time we gave our government the middle finger and showed them that they are In-Dependence of "We the people." It is time to stand up for ourselves and shout in harmony together "No more!" I am tired of the presidential canidates and their lies upon lies. We seem to take it as common place, as though that is the way it is suppose to be. Our two choices for CEO leave us again to choose the lesser of two evils. McCain will do nothing to better America, he is a clone of George. Obama I can't trust. You just don't vote "yea" to nominate someone who has commited perjury to become secretary of state. We all know they were warning signs before september 11th and Condi lied during the 9/11 commision that there weren't-the whole agencies not sharing information is bull, I would like to think that your job depends on sharing matters of national security. So someone should ask Obama if he is ok with perjury or just completley oblivious to 9/11.

National fight song - Vash

This November don't vote. Protest the whole damn system.

It's all smoke a mirrors

priestofmelody — 2008-06-25T12:28:34Z

What's this?

priestofmelody — 2008-06-25T12:28:33Z

His face looked mean!

priestofmelody — 2008-06-12T10:22:27Z

This little guy was on the back of my neck after I finished trimming back some of the bushes around our fence.

Just another boring rant.

priestofmelody — 2008-06-12T09:24:00Z

I really do wish I could reconcile my existence. I'm tired of being what I am but there is no ability to escape who I am. I am not comforted when someone tells me that everybody goes through (insert problem). So then are you telling me that I'm just a big puss and need to man up. But "manning up" only means that I bottle things inside until I explode on somebody. I can't cope with our society. I can't deal with the marketization and explotation of human existence. I can't deal with the seemingly tragic fate that awaits our culture. Furthermore I can't deal with being thrust into this society when I never wanted to be a part of it in the first place. I should have never listened to my mother, infact I shouldn't listen to a single person because most of you don't seem to know what the hell your talking about. You only tell me of your experience, but you have not a single clue how it feels to be who I am. There is no peace for me. No action I can take without feeling a poor consequence. Every descion seems ill fated. The only wise choice would be to die. What a wonderful life we humans live. I sometimes think my life would be a lot better if I was completely retarded. Ignorance in all it's forms is bliss, naivity joy, stupidity splendor.

Climb the corporate chain, suck the man's dick, feed off of the stale crumbs from his beard. We are a tribe of technologically advanced monkies. Not a damn thing has changed in over 50 million years.

out of the loop

priestofmelody — 2008-06-08T11:06:00Z

So it seems like forever since I have made a post. This is not really a choice but Jessie and I have just moved into a new house with our friend and we have yet to obtain a connection to the internet. So I end up connecting at my parents house and not really getting much accomplished besides checking what's new. But, hopefully by the end of this week we will be up and going again. Many pictures of the new house are to come, plus some new tunage from my brain.

Anywhere the wind blows

priestofmelody — 2008-05-29T19:53:00Z

So yeah, today is another day when I wish I had never been born. This has been going on since I was about 9 and I have to say it's getting really hard to want to be alive. I don't feel any validation. I don't know what I have to do to gain the will to live. People try to help but their words bring no comfort. I can't get out and accomplish things because I'm too depressed to try. I don't know whether it's just our society, whether it's chemicals in my brain, or whether it was my peculiar upbrining. But I guess it doesn't really matter, I live for another day. "If there were no reward to reap, no loving embrace to see me through this tedious path I've chosen here, I certainly would have walked away by now."

"Nothing really matters, anyone can see. Nothing really matters to me."